7 things that may help you stay married longer than 7 years

The other day I ran into Dr. Duke, a true practitioner…he’s getting hitched and he asked me about it. Now I’ve got a year and a few months in marriage, but I have learned a few things:

1. Talk about money early and often. Number one cause of divorce isn’t infidelity its money. People handle spending, saving, budgeting, and the prioritization of money differently. If you don’t discuss the differences you’ll always butt heads because you’ll always look at things differently.

2. Pick your battles. Everything is not worth fighting with your Spouse about. Save “Going to the mattresses” for major issues.

3. Have weekly alone time. “And the two became one…” yeah, yeah I know..but if you don’t continue to be an individual you’ll get sick of anybody always up under you. Get away from the house. Eat by yourself, go to the movies, hang out with your friends go shopping ( be careful of no. 1) …do something by yourself that doesn’t involve your spouse or your children…speaking of crumb snatchers…

4. Wait to have kids ( if you can.) Of course this won’t work if you already have children. But newlyweds with no children should give themselves sometime to enjoy and grow themselves as a married couple before introducing to the family the exponential growth that is children. Children arrive and easily become the focus of the family, often leading to neglect or lower prioritization of the spousal relationship. So when/if you do have children, make sure you take the same great care of your spouse as you do your children.

5. Have date night (weekly) Follow up from the last two, just as you’ll need time to maintain yourself (your own personhood), you’ll need time to maintain the health of your relationship with your spouse. That means get away from the kids, get a babysitter, go out to eat, or to a movie, or put them to bed early and rent a movie. Spend some time with your spouse outside of your bedroom. (a few years back they did a study that said people that don’t have TV’s in their bedrooms had better marriages, look it up to see how they defined “better”)

6. Don’t take the attitude of ….You’re stuck with me now. People can always check out. Whether its mentally, spiritually, emotionally or physically leaving you. Remember people don’t have to actually leave to be gone. Ever been talking and the person is just nodding and saying uh huh? That person may have already left the conversation. The point is the same things that you did to attract your spouse you should continue after you have(?) them. Keep dressing nicely, even when at home. Stay mannerable. Don’t do the embarrassing things that you wouldn’t do during dating around your spouse once you’re married. Not saying you can’t relax and let your guard down but don’t take their affection and desire for granted. (I'm preaching to myself)

7. Anticipate. Think about your decisions, actions and attitudes and how they might adversely or positively affect your spouse. Even if you can’t/won’t do anything different, at least you’ll be prepared to deal with their possible response if you anticipate.